Underneath
by SugarBug17
Summary: The war is over, yet Hermione lived in another form of hell; taking care of the young Potter Family was far from easy, and throwing in a severely damaged and depressed Sirius Black, was a recipe for disaster. After reaching her breaking point she flees, starts a new life, and develops an interesting friendship with Severus Snape. AU. Snape/Hermione & Hermione/Sirius.
1. Chapter 1

**Underneath - Chapter 1: New Beginnings**

**A/N: **My first non-Aftermath story. I can assure you that this story is much darker than Aftermath, and explores more demented feelings. There is going to violence, language and sexual relations. Be warned, this will get dark.

Secondly, the title for this, Underneath, is also the title of an Adam Lambert song. I think the song fits the story.

Lastly, please no flames, I am not a professional writer, so there are mistakes. Constructive Criticism, is accepted and appreciated. I am looking for a beta.

I hope you all like this story. I've enjoyed writing it so far. Happy reading and comment if you would like! :)

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Carefully she balanced the breakfast tray in one hand and in the other she carried the freshly laundered baby clothes. With her hands full she used her hip to push open the kitchen door of Grimmauld Place. She was at her wits end, but knew her friends needed help. Tired she took the stairs up to the first floor where the nursery resided. The door was opened and she heard the wailing of the twins coming from the bathroom. Poor Ginny she thought.

"Gin, honey, I have the babies laundry done." Hermione said as she walked in and put the basket in the rocker. She placed the breakfast tray on the stand and walked into the adjoined bathroom, there Ginny sat on the floor in front of the bathtub.

"Thanks, 'Mione. What would I do without you?" She said.

"I don't know, Gin. I don't know." She grabbed a towel and picked little James out of the bathtub, while Ginny picked up Lily. The twins of her two best friends were eleven months old and still hated bath time. With an effortless speed, Hermione had James dried off and dressed. Ginny was not too far behind her with Lily. Once both of the twins were dressed Hermione carried them both back to the main room and put them in their play area. The two of them quickly began playing with their toys.

"Do you need me to pick up the bathroom, Gin?" She asked turning around and looking at her six month pregnant friend.

"Hermione you do too much around here as it is. I think I can clean the bathroom." She responded.

"Gin, you know what the doctor said." She scolded. "You should be in bed right now."

"I am allowed up for four hours a day. I've barely been on my feet for an hour." She shot back.

"Fine, Gin. Do as you wish. I best not get yelled at by Harry later when he finds out." She snapped.

"You are not my warden, Hermione. Neither is he." She said raising her voice. Hermione took a deep breath; she knew she was getting angry, as was Ginny. The stress was not good for her in her delicate condition.

"I'm sorry, Gin." Hermione said ashamed of her behavior.

"It's alright, Hermione. I am sorry too. I hate being treated like a baby. I hate not being able to help you around the house. I hate my life." She sobbed. Hermione walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"You know you don't mean that, Gin. You are just stressed right now, and I cannot blame you. Why don't you go downstairs to the kitchen, I have tea on the stove, and I will send Peoni over to watch the twins." Hermione said making reference to the only house-elf the house had. She knew at that exact moment Peoni was getting Albus Severus up and around for the morning.

"That sounds nice, Hermione. I think I will do just that." Ginny said. "I think you better get that try up stairs, you know how he is when his meals are late." She said making reference to the breakfast try in the room. Hermione almost forgot about it. That was just what she needed, dealing with him every morning got tiring, but with her foul mood, it was sure to prove to be interesting.

Hermione walked over and picked up the tray and left the room. She walked down the hall a bit to Albus Severus' room and rasped on the door. "Yes, miss?" Peoni answered.

"When you finish up with Albus Severus could you go to the twin's room and watch them so Ginny can have some tea?" Hermione asked the young elf.

"Yes, miss. Albus is dress." She said. "We will go there now." She added walking back into the room, a few moments later she returned holding the hand of the one and a half year old Albus Severus Potter, who looked exactly like his father.

"Thank you, Peoni." Hermione said and then walked to the stairs. As she walked up the flights of stairs to the top floor she thought about her friend's situation. After the defeat of Lord Voldemort, Harry, Ron and she returned to Hogwarts where they completed their last year of school. Sadly, before Harry graduated, he was already a father. Halloween of 1998, Ginny came to Hermione crying, saying she feared she was pregnant.

Hermione did the only thing she could think of and that was taking her to the Hospital wing. She was right around three months pregnant, and by the spring they were parents to a healthy baby boy, Albus Severus Potter. Ginny and Harry both struggled to graduate after that, and Hermione was sure that without her help they wouldn't have.

And before Halloween 1999, Ginny was pregnant again. Harry got a job working as an Auror at the Department of Ministries, and couldn't find time to help Ginny take care of Albus Severus. The last thing he wanted was another baby as they tried to settle into their new lives. Since her parents pretty much disowned her once she got pregnant before graduation, Ginny had no help, so again they turned to her. And Hermione being too much of a kind soul agreed to move into Grimmauld Place with them and help Ginny adjust to her new life, take care of her baby, keep her company, and make sure that she was not alone while pregnant.

When the twins arrived things just got worse. Harry was off on some mission when Ginny went into labor and to make matters worse, it was storming out leaving Hermione to deliver the twins alone without help. Harry was not the least bit happy that he now had three children and a girlfriend to care for. He began spending more time away from home, leaving Hermione to pick up the pieces. It was too much for her to deal with; three kids, a huge house, and Ginny's postpartum depression. Her only choices was to hire outside help, and there is where Peoni came in. She hired Peoni part time paying her out of the reward money she was trying to live off of.

It was not long before Ginny was pregnant again, and Harry practically disappeared off the face of the planet. That was up until about a month ago when he finished with one of his missions. Unfortunately he didn't come home alone. Nope, he brought home someone he had long been searching for and finally found… Too bad the man he once was had vanished and a bitter bastard remained. On the plus side, Harry was more involved in the lives of his girlfriend and children, but he put more stress on her to make sure the house was running properly.

She often wondered why she stayed, but she knew deep down she didn't want to leave. Yes, this life was nothing like what she imagined, but it was easy, she didn't have deadlines, and she didn't have to work at some position she was not sure she would like. Being here with Harry and Ginny was not a challenge and she liked that.

As she reached the landing she knocked on the door to her right. There was no answer as usual so she just pushed it open. The room was dark with the drapes drawn tight. She heard the shower running in the adjoining room; thankfully she was not running late. Quickly she stripped the bed and remade it with clean linens. She then gathered the dirty dishes and the piles of clothes. She threw them out in the hall and then opened the drapes, an Owl with The Morning Prophet awaited. She let the bird in and put the paper on the small table where he ate at. Once the bird was given a treat it left and she sat up the breakfast as he preferred. She moved quickly but not quick enough. Before she could leave the room he was finished with his shower.

"What are you doing in here, Granger?" A snide voice asked. "You know I don't like having company? You were late this morning. Are you so incompetent that you cannot bring me my meal on time?" She sighed and turned around.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Black, but Ginny needed me." Sirius Black stared at her, his eyes burning into hers. The years in the suspended animation of the veil took its toll on him. His face was gaunt, almost skeletal, skin stretched over bones. His hair was gangly even after he showered and his body was marred with scares. He had to walk with a cane because his right leg had little to no feeling in it.

"Excuses, excuses, Granger. I will not tolerate it." He said walking over to the table, she knew better than to move from her spot. He looked at the meal as if inspecting it and then sat down. Glaring at her he took a bite of the sausage on the plate than spit it back out. "HOW DARE YOU SERVE ME SOMETHING THIS VIAL?!" He yelled.

"It is the same that you have every morning, Sirius. Everything is the same." She explained.

He said nothing, just picked up the plate and threw it at her. It smashed against the wall; a piece ricocheting off and cutting her face, it was painful, but she didn't make a sound. He then threw the bowl of oatmeal at her, then the cup of tea and the glass of juice. None of the things hit her personally, but it accomplished the job he wanted to do. It scared her, it broke her, and it made her cry.

"You are such a weak woman, Granger. Get the hell out of my room and don't come back." He yelled. She didn't move. She said nothing, which only upset him more. Carefully he got out of his chair and walked over to her. He balled up his fists and for a second she thought he was going to hit her, but then he slammed them both into the wall. He moved his face in close only centimeters from hers.

"Get the fuck out of my room. Get the fuck out of my life. And get the fuck out of my house." He whispered in a rough voice. Then he removed his left hand from the wall and put it on her jaw, holding her face in place. And then he kissed her, it was rough and hard and made her tremble, it was to send her a message, "you are a fool for thinking that someone like me could ever love you. Now get the fuck out." He yelled and that was the end of it. She pushed him to the floor and ran out of the room. She raced down the stairs and right into her room where she slammed the door shut. Walking to her closet she yanked open the doors and threw her suitcase on the bed. In a mad rush she packed whatever she could in the little suitcase.

She couldn't believe what just happened. As she packed she thought back to the night Harry brought Sirius home. Harry was a wreck, bloodied and breathless; in his arms he held a crumpled Sirius, almost on the verge of death. Everyone was asleep, even Ron who was visiting that weekend. Hermione was awake having tea in the sitting room when Harry appeared and almost crumpled to the floor, quickly Hermione relieved Harry of Sirius' weight and told him she would take him to his room and then be down to help Harry. At three in the morning, she climbed the flights of stairs to the top where Sirius' old bedroom was.

As she laid him on the fresh sheets, he spoke, 'Hermione, I love you.' The words were quiet and low, barely audible, but she heard them and then he passed out. It took her a week of constant care to bring him back to consciousness, but she did it out of love for him. You see she loved him since the moment she saw him in the Shrieking Shack in her third year. Her heart dreamed of the day when he might return that love. When he fell into the veil she was more upset than Harry, but never told anyone. When Harry came to her one night and told her he knew of a way to bring Sirius back, she agreed to stay with Ginny and Harry's growing family to help them while Harry risked his life to save Sirius.

She cleaned his wounds, and made potions to make the scars less noticeable. She fed him, bathed him, and was a constant care giver. She fell deeper in love with him, and she thought as she tried teaching him how to walk again with his leg, that he was falling in love with her. One night, after Harry returned home he came and visited her in her room, asking her about Sirius and she poured her heart out to him about everything. She even mentioned that she love Sirius and felt he loved her. Harry was pleased for them both. But shortly after her conversation with Harry, Sirius turned cold. His temper became worse, he began keeping to himself, not even taking to Harry. He became violent, throwing things and yelling obscene words whenever someone was close to his room.

She blamed it on the ordeal he lived through in the veil. She made excuse for him. But every time she pushed, he pushed back further. He went out of his way to hurt her. And today was the last straw. After what he did to her, she knew she couldn't stand being in the house a moment longer. She couldn't stand being around him any longer. She slammed the lid on her suitcase and then apparated right out of her room and into Harry's office at The Ministry.

"Hermione, what the bloody hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but I cannot stand being in the same house as him for a moment longer. I think I need a change. As much as I would love to stay and help Ginny, I just can't. I am sure that Molly would be willing to help until you can find someone else. Give Gin my love. Bye Harry." She said and then she apparated again before he could say another word. She had no idea where she was going, but she knew it was far away from that house and the man that lived in it.

XXXXX

Sirius struggled to his feet after Hermione pushed him to the floor. His ass hurt and he knew there would be a bruise there shortly. He didn't like hurting her as he did, but he had to. He was not the man she needed, nor wanted. He was a broken man; he was not a man at all. Hermione deserved better, and her little infatuation with him would disappear soon. Yes he had to hurt her, but in hurting her he helped her. He knew he was going to take a hell of a lot of heat from Harry about it, but he knew that Harry would understand. It was Harry after all that came to him and discouraged a blossoming relationship between the two of them. Harry would be happy, hell he already had a few house-elves on standby.

Hermione needed out of that house. She needed out of that life sucking hell hole that Harry had created. How could he expect someone like Hermione to run his house? It was killing her. And as much as he would miss her, he knew deep down that in the long run she would be grateful. Her feelings were hurt now, but not for long. Soon she would have established a new life for herself and she would forget all about the years that she wasted helping Harry out of his mistakes.

As he sat on his bed he ran his fingers across his lips. For months he longed to kiss her, he longed to do more than that, but he never would get to do any of the things he longed for. Her lips were so soft, and she smelled divine. If only he was more selfish he would have begged her to stay or at least take him with her, but then again, he couldn't expect someone half his age to take care of him when she should be creating her own life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Underneath - Chapter 2: Memories**

**Disclaimer:** I so forgot to put this in the previous chapter, but I do not own anything... These magical people are the the blood, heart, and soul of J.K.R. I am just putting my own spin on her creation.

**A/N: **First off, a HUGE thank you to those that read the first chapter of this story, liked and favorite(d) me and/or the story and left a comment... It really made me work hard on this chapter and perfect it more. (I did go through and change a lot)!

Secondly, I must say I think that Underneath is going to be my favorite story I've written (so far), I put a bunch of passion into this chapter, and I feel like my writing has gotten stronger (at least I hope so).

Third, this chapter does get really dark towards the end.

Lastly, again, please no flames, but I welcome constructive criticism. :)

Happy reading (this is a long chapter)! Leave a comment if you wish! Tell me what you want to or think will happen. :)

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"Are you sure this is the most recent addition?" The short woman asked her.

"Yes, it is. We received the shipment yesterday." She said for the third time. The elderly woman still wasn't convinced. So Hermione walked to the stock room and pulled out the previous edition. "You see, Mrs. Eddison, this is the previous edition, which you bought almost three years ago. The one you have in your hand is the newest. Are you ready to purchase it?" She asked.

Mrs. Eddison had been coming in every day for the past week asking if the new Gilderoy Lockheart cookbook had been released. Now that it was finally in, she didn't want to believe this was the one she had been waiting for. Hermione was not trying to rush the poor woman, she just had to go and get groceries before the small market closed for the evening. Hermione thought it was hilarious that the great Gilderoy Lockheart had been making a living selling muggle cookbooks. She guessed he had to do what he had to do to get by.

"Yes, I think I will." She said putting the book on the counter. Hermione quickly rang her up and then took her money. She placed it in a brown bag with the stores name: Exodus Books and then handed the woman the bag.

"Have a wonderful evening, Mrs. Eddison. Give your husband my best." She said walking the woman to the door. As Hermione held it open she felt a rush of cold air hit her. Surely the first snow of the season would happen soon; possibly tonight. "Walk carefully, it looks slippery." Hermione said with a smile.

"Thank you, my dear." She responded. Hermione watched as she walked down the street under the lamps that were just coming on. Once she was out of her vision she flipped the close sign on the door. She walked over to the register and took out the drawer to count her till for the day. She knew she did pretty good sale wise; mostly due to the fact that everyone was coming in to purchase and preorder books for the holidays. Before she began counting the money in the drawer, she walked to her storeroom in the back and put the kettle on. The shop was awfully drafty on windy nights like tonight.

After she turned off the heat for the night, she walked back to the storefront and pulled out the receipts. She laid them on one counter and then began matching them to the money in her drawer. It was not hard work, just time consuming. After ten minutes the kettle called and she went and poured herself a glass of lavender tea. She enjoyed the calming effect it had on her on nights like this. She took the full cup back to her counter and finished counting the money, almost five hundred and fifty pounds in cash sales. Her pre order tickets would ring up almost six hundred pounds when they came in. She smiled, one day of sales and she had enough to cover the rent for her building, and all the overhead, and it was only the start of the month. Christmas shopping always made up for the slow spring months.

After she finished counting the money she put it in the safe under the counter. It was the only thing magically protected in the shop. She took out her wand to unlock it, and then put the money bag in there with the others. She didn't trust Muggle banks, so all of her money, was in that safe. It was not a lot, but after she paid her bills and bought her necessities, she had a nice petty cash fund for a rainy day. She reached into the cash fund and withdrew the money she needed to pay her bills for the month of December.

She placed the money in her purse and then took the preorder slips to her storeroom in the back. She needed to place the orders she received that day so she was sure to get the books when they became available, and by December 23rd. With a sigh she awoke the computer and connected to the internet. Her storeroom was small, just like her main storefront. In the back, she had a ton of boxes and a few bookshelves where she kept some old books customers no longer wanted. She also had a small stove and a refrigerator she kept her meals in, nothing else was back there except for a coat rack she kept her coat and purse on.

After a few minutes of waiting on the slow connection, the internet loaded and her store's webpage popped up. She clicked on the bookmarks to bring up the warehouse she ordered her books from. She went through the methodical process of logging in, searching for the books, and then adding them to her purchase list; another simple job that took time-a fair amount of time. But then again she had a lot of that on her hands. Her little bookstore in Cokeworth was her life and it had been for almost five years. She loved every aspect of it, but most of all she loved that she was away from the Wizarding World and all of the people that resided in it. She only had one solid connection to the wizarding world and that was her landlord. Occasionally she would visit and have tea with Harry, Ginny and Ron, and she owled them every so often, but that was the extent of it.

Five years ago, well, close to six now, when she left the home of Harry and Ginny she went to the only place she knew was available. Hermione knew he was looking for someone to help him with rebuilding the town that overtime was neglected and destroyed. She had magic and he needed that, and she was one of the very few people willing to work with him, he did have a nasty reputation, after all. She appartated almost on his doorstep and when she rang the bell, he didn't ask questions, just invited her in and put her to work. He even gave her the apartment above of his home. It only took her a month to clean it and make it livable.

Together in about three years they rebuilt the town that was lost in shambles into a wonderfully productive place. He even helped her build a bookstore over four years ago. She had her eyes on the space since she first started helping him rebuild. It was once a bookstore, when Cokeworth was in its prime, but like everything else, disintegrated after years of neglect. She practically used the last of her reward money to buy the lumber, windows, decorations and the first stock of books. She knew it was a gamble, since she didn't know exactly what sorts of reading material the town would like.

But he was amazing and helped her every step of the way. He even framed her first pound. His exterior on the outside was rough, but she was one of the only ones that knew he was a lost soul, needing companionship. She needed the same, and together they both needed to do that away from a world they spent most of their lives in.

After she finished placing her orders she shut down the computer and put on her coat. She checked the watch on her wrist and saw it was almost six at night, the market closed at seven, and she needed to have dinner ready at eight. She walked out of the back room and into the storefront. She couldn't wait until spring, because she would start her expansion of Exodus into a café and bookstore. She never would have thought this would bring her joy in her life; she always thought wizarding law, or something with the Ministry. But, she loved this career path. She took a few courses at a muggle university in business and then she took the rest of her money she got from The Ministry, made a down payment on the building, and then began remodeling and stocking it with different sorts of books. Her first customer was Mrs. Eddison, and since that day the two of them have been friends. She made many great friends in this town, and she was forever grateful for her second chance at life Cokeworth offered her.

Quickly she put on her scarf and gloves, and then grabbed her purse. She walked to the door and pulled down the blind, she clicked off the lights, locked it from the inside, and then closed it. She made sure the door was locked and then headed down Cobble Court to the market at the end, which was halfway between her bookstore and her home. It was a short walk, but it was a cold one, she was happy when the doors opened and she walked into the store. She grabbed a basket and then headed down the produce aisle. She put some fresh greens and fruits in her basket and then headed to the butcher part, for the rack of lamb she preordered that morning. With a few last stops to get the enough food for her for the next week she headed to the checkout, there was one lane opened and there was no wait.

"Evening, Hermione." Ashby Eddison said with a smile.

"Evening, Ashby. You grandmum was just in at the store. She mentioned you were working tonight." She said as she placed her items on the belt to be rung up.

"Did she finally get that book she wanted?" She asked.

"Yes she did. I think she is quite happy that she has it now. I am sure that she is going to be cooking some wonderful meals. I hate saying it but there are some good recipes in there." Hermione said with a shudder.

"Well, I am supposed to have dinner there this weekend. I'll let you know." She said laughing. She finished ringing up her order and placed it in the reusable bags Hermione brought with her. Hermione paid and then bid goodnight to Ashby and began walking home. According to her watch it was quarter till seven when she took the steps to her apartment. She unlocked her door and flicked on the lights.

Her home was modest, it had a living room and conjoined kitchen with a small dining nook. To the right was her bedroom and to the left was her bathroom. She had a lot of windows that let in beautiful light. She decorated it in a cottage style with rich earthy tones. The walls that were not covered with windows, had floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with her favorites; Hogwarts: A History, remained in the first place spot.

With much haste she put away the groceries that she didn't need for dinner. Then she quickly began preparing the lamb. Once that was finished she prepared the salad and the vinaigrette for it. She looked at her watch and noticed she had a half hour before her dinner companion arrived and she knew for a fact he would not be late, nor early. He would knock on her door at eight exactly. With a mad rush she sat the table and then went to her bedroom. Being the organized woman she was she laid out the outfit she was going to wear for dinner, a simple pair of black slacks and a silky red blouse. She changed out of her blue jeans and green store shirt. She knew she didn't have to look nice, but she wanted to. Every Friday they switched off cooking meals at their homes for each other. He always wore his best as did she. But then again his best was a pair of black slacks and a black shirt.

Once she finished dressing she pulled her hair out of the ponytail she placed it in that morning and let it hang around her shoulders. It took her ten minutes to get dressed. She walked out of her room and went to her wet bar in her living room, she poured two drinks, a scotch on the rocks and a glass of chardonnay. Just as she finished pouring it there was a knock at the door. She balanced both glasses in her left hand and walked over to the door. She pulled it open.

"Good evening, Miss. Granger."

"Good evening, Severus. Please come in." She said, handing him his scotch.

"I brought these for you." He said handing her a bouquet.

"Black Calla Lilies. I love them." She said taking them in her hand. She was surprised that he remembered her favorite flower. It was what just two weeks ago he asked her what they were. She said black calla lilies and to her surprise he said that he grew them. Of course she didn't have to ask him why he grew them, that was pretty self-explanatory.

"Is that lamb I smell?" He asked her.

"Yes, it is. I know it is your favorite." She responded walking to the sink and getting the black vase she kept for her flower. She put them in the center of the table, but back against the wall so they wouldn't be in their faces as they ate.

"How was work?" He asked her.

"It was profitable." She said. "You must check out Gilderoy Lockheart's new cookbook. We just got it in stock." He scoffed. "Yeah, but the sad thing is, the books are almost sold off the shelf. I ordered fifty, and I have only fifteen left." She said. "I might have to reorder them next week so I can have enough for the Christmas rush." She added.

"I hope you are getting a good price for them." He stated.

"Twenty-five pounds each. They actually accounted for much of today's till." She said. She walked over to the stove and removed the rack of lamb so it had some time to rest. She then took the salad over to the table. Hungry?" She asked him.

"Famished." He responded joining her at the table. It had a magnificent view of the town below. He waited for her to sit and then he sat as well. Being the gentleman he was he served her first and then himself.

They both began eating. With the two of them it wasn't so much the conversation as it was the companionship. They were both lonely and had little social lives outside of work and the town. Neither of them felt a need to make small talk, actually the never felt the need to make conversation at all. On the rare occasions they did, it was usually a serious conversation, but it was not discussed over dinner. Once they finished with the salad Hermione served the lamb and potatoes while Severus poured the Barolo she bought.

"This is delicious, Hermione." He complimented her, he actually did that a lot with her cooking, and it made some part of her insides tingle with excitement.

"Thank you Severus. I was worried it wasn't going to be ready because I was running behind, but I am glad that it turned out right." She said. More silence followed while they ate. The only sounds were those of the knives and forks or the occasional clank of a glass being returned to the table. When they finished with their main course Severus helped her clear the table.

"I uh… I had a visitor stop by my office at the Ministry today." Severus started. Hermione was used to him starting with that statement, shortly after she moved to Spinner's End, Harry found out and came calling for her, wanting her to return back to Grimmauld Place. He wanted her nowhere near Severus Snape. Hermione stood her ground and told Harry she would not be returning. She would go to Grimmauld Place for certain occasions, and she would visit her other friends in London every few months. Unfortunately there were times when someone would show up at the Ministry demanding to speak to Severus about her. She figured it was Harry or Ron. It always was.

"Harry or Ron?" She asked him as she drew the dish water and put the tea kettle on.

"Neither." He said.

"Ginny?" She asked as she began washing the plates. When she finished washing one, she handed it to him.

"Nope. Although she did owl the office, wanting me to see if I could convince you to go to Christmas dinner there. I sent her a response saying I doubt I could convince you, but I would tell you about her request." He added.

That made sense. Hermione already responded to two of her invitation owls with no. Of course Ginny would turn to Severus for help. "I'll send her an owl tomorrow telling her to quit asking you to help her. I've done it before and she just doesn't listen." Hermione shrugged as she handed him the last plate to dry.

"I swear she only does it because she thinks we are together as a couple. I don't know how many times I tell them we are not." Severus stated. "How hard is it for people to understand we are platonic friends?" They were silent as they finished washing and drying the dinner dishes. The tea kettle went off at the same time they finished. Severus removed the kettle as Hermione set up the tea tray. Then they both walked into her living/sitting room and Hermione poured them each a cup; tea time always followed dinner, and it usually consisted of them both reading a book or newspaper with light conversation.

"Thank you, Hermione." He said as she handed him the cup of steaming hot tea.

"You are welcome Severus." She said with a smile. "Ooh and I have that book you wanted me to order for you." She said standing up and walking over to her purse, she pulled out the envelope with her rent and utilities payment and the book. It was a classic collection of Puritan stories. "Here you go." She said handing him both of the items. He drew no attention to the money just put it in his pocket and opened up the book.

"Thank you, Hermione." He said pulling out a pair of reading glasses. She reached for the book she had on the table and opened it up.

"You're welcome, Severus."

XXXXX

Severus watched Hermione kick off her shoes and readjust herself on the leather couch. She threw the decorative pillows to the other end, only leaving one for her arm to rest on. She sat there and he sat in an old black walnut rocking chair. They both read their books until it was late enough for him to go home. If it was his night to cook, they would sit in his library and would read until Hermione was tired enough to return to her apartment. His life was dependable, and he loved that. He enjoyed the company of Hermione because it was easy. She didn't expect things from him he couldn't give. She was the only one he ever came in contact with that did that. It was true there was a time that she hated him, but as they both aged and the truth came out, a friendship developed.

It was a funny thing the two of them. Many of their friends thought they were lovers or, fuck buddies, as kids nowadays called it, but in the almost six years they had lived together, nothing ever happened between the two of them . Most of their friends wouldn't take the just friends line, and after time they stopped trying to explain it. They let them think whatever they wanted.

It surprised him just as much as the next person to be awoken at nine in the morning on a cold spring day by Hermione Granger. She had been crying, blood on her face, and her whole body shaking from something he presumed was shock. He wasn't heartless; he saw that something had deeply troubled her. He knew that she needed an escape and why wouldn't she? She was living as a stand in maid for Harry Potter and his growing brood, with the addition of caring for Sirius Black. He knew the mentality of people that were brought back from the veil. It was not pretty, and not something everyone could handle. He admired her for sticking in as long as she did. Even with his strong will, he knew he would not have been able to help someone in that far of a gone state.

He knew that Sirius Black was a mess. Harry went to him numerous times asking about potions and spells that might aid in his recovery. He knew that the soul responsibility of bring Sirius back to full health fell on poor Hermione's shoulders. And not just that, but taking care of a mental Ginny and all of her health problems that contributed to her high risk pregnancies, and dealing with not one, but three children. Harry was taking advantage of what was good and pure in Hermione and he hated that. Which is why when she showed up, he asked no questions, showed her to the apartment above his house and then he put her to work.

He never could deal with emotions much, and he could tell that they made Hermione uncomfortable too. So they never talked about what exactly happened. She was the one that invited him to dinner one weekend, on Friday night to thank him for his hospitality. And it all began there. They began spending more time together, even if they just sat in the same room like now and each read a book, or went over business papers. Conversation was never needed, but then again he figured that neither of them would know what to talk about, unless it was the past, which was always off topic, and the town, which they talked about frequently.

He watched her flip a page in the book she had been reading for the past week, she was almost to the end of it. The conversation previously about his visitor was forgotten and he wondered if he should bring it back to her attention. It was not the first time that this visitor showed up on his door; actually it had been happening once a month for the past five years. But when he came, he said nothing, just sat in the corner and watched Severus work. Severus had no idea why he did it, and wanted nothing more to kick him out, but part of Severus felt sorry for him and the coldness in his eyes. Occasionally the visitor would ask about Hermione. And then before he would leave, he made Severus swear not to mention it to her. Severus made him a promise and kept his word.

But today, he showed up, looking better than ever and asked him to tell Hermione that he would like to see her. He was just at the office yesterday for his usual first of the month visit, so Severus was not expecting him for another thirty days. He was silent for a while and Severus just left him be. But then he asked if he could see if Hermione would agree to meeting with him Sunday night. Severus responded that he would ask her, but like it was with the rest of her friends, most of the time she said no.

"Hermione?" He asked.

"Mmhhmm, Severus?" She responded not looking up from her book.

"It was Sirius Black." He said. She put her book to the side, a shocked look on her face.

"What was?" She asked him.

"It was him that stopped by my Ministry office today. He wanted me to see if you would be willing to meet with him Sunday for dinner." Severus said. He could tell she was physically upset by what he said because of the tears in her eyes, when he mentioned Sirius' name. Her body posture changed too.

"Severus, I think you should leave. I'm sorry, but I am not in the mood right now for company." She said standing up.

"Are you sure, Hermione? You don't look like you are feeling well." He stated. He didn't expect that much of a reaction from her. It was surprising that she had this reaction since she was usually well put together.

"I am fine, Severus." She said opening the door. He closed the book and walked over to her. He had a strong urge to stay, like a silent pull that was telling him to comfort her, but he didn't press. There was a silent understanding between the two of them, and he didn't want to hurt her pride by forcing company on her. He knew she was probably going to cry, or maybe even break something and he could tell she didn't want to put on a show.

"I'm sorry, that you are not feeling well, Hermione. I will see you tomorrow night. Is there anything you want me to bring?" He asked.

"Ask me tomorrow, Severus and thank you." He gave her a half smile and walked out the door. He wished he was more emotionally adept so he could stay and try to comfort her.

"Goodnight, Hermione." He said.

"Goodnight, Severus." She responded and then closed the door.

XXXXX

Hermione was in such shock that she had no idea how she stumbled into her bedroom. Sirius wanted to talk with her, 'you are a fool for thinking that someone like me could ever love you. Now get the fuck out.' Rang in her ears and made her head spin. Once she closed her door the tears escaped her eyes. She tried her best to shield them from Severus, but she knew he was too smart not to notice.

'I love you, Hermione.' His voice was soft in her head and she saw him there on that bed small and frail. Her head spun with the memories of helping him walk again, and that smile on his face. But then she saw him throw the plate against the wall, and absentmindedly her hand went to her face, where the scar was from the piece of glass that cut her face. Images of him giving her that flower, a black calla lily out of Grimmauld Place's gardens surfaced next in her mind, she felt her heart fill with the same pride she had when he walked out in the gardens alone and she watched him. She felt her heart again shatter into a million jagged pieces. Her hands rubbed her thighs were other hidden scars lingered. Why weren't the memories gone? She had buried them, deep down, long ago.

A door to the past opened in her head. A silent movie flashed in her mind. From the first time meeting him to the way he called her the brightest witch of her age. Those memories mingled with ones of Harry and Ron and all of the hell they went through. More thoughts of Sirius invaded her head; him falling through the veil, and the battle at the Department of Mysteries, Bellatrix screaming 'I killed Sirius Black'. Hermione threw her hands on her ears. Why wouldn't that voice go away? Darker memories of the nightmares that followed his death, and the regret she felt when she thought of her and Ron. Why did she have to fall for Sirius? Ron would have been so good for her – right for her; together the fit. Then there was Lord Voldemort and the terror that boiled in her blood during the year the three of them were on the run. The torture she suffered at the hands of Bellatrix, 'mudblood' was still carved into her arm.

More memories flooded her soul, the celebrations after the war, and the way she felt when she went back to school to finish up her final year of education. That joy didn't last long. Her hopes and dreams for a life all her own were shattered by Ginny needing her help, and her loyalty to Harry. She could clearly see the crumpled body of Sirius, and then remember the ways she helped him with his recovery. And then she saw him there with his hands on the side of her face, 'now get the fuck out.' It rang again in her head making her swoon; she felt those rough lips crush into her face, the anger and the hurt; it scared her all over again. Her flight to Severus played in her head next. He was so welcoming, and understanding, she never gave him enough credit when she was in school. She always thought of him as the villain, but after the incident with Sirius; the new villain was none other than herself. Episodes of all those time she had the blade in her hand, the tears she cried out as she punctured her skin with the steel. This, after all, was what she deserved, Bellatrix did it to her, Sirius even made her bleed, and in their own ways both Harry and Ron made her shed blood.

Hermione cried out, her body filled with rage, her head exploding. She reached for the nearest thing, her alarm clock, and threw it against the wall. Every fiber of her being wanted to reach back into the dark corners of her past, but she fought the urge, she no longer was 'that person'. Too weak to do anything, she fell back on her bed and sobbed like a child; she reached out trying to find any source of comfort, but when she retracted her arms, they came back empty.


End file.
